The Secret Life

Sometimes I feel like I'm living another person's life. It's hard to describe, but I am going to do my best. My anxiety affects everything I do. And everything I want to do. Which is slightly frustrating to me because sometimes I find myself doing things I wouldn't normally do either. I find myself not being able to be myself where I am . Even though I am working towards change, I is getting more and more difficult to hang in there until I get to the place I need to be. Some days I feel like I am carrying a heavy burden and some I feel like I am just dying to get outside of myself. I'm sort of trapped inside myself. I can't be the person I want to be here. The stress and anxiety of doing things the way I have to, I just can't do it anymore. Generally, I'm happy Inside I'm dealing with a lot of things because its just time. Work is my salvation on most days, there are some days I don't want to be at work either, I admit. Though its better than being at home. On those days, the last thing I want to do is think about things any more than I have to When I'm home I don't really want to be home. Im in need of my own space and more of it. My writing is suffering and so am I. Lately, Ive done a few things if I could go back and do them over again. I probably would have done it differently. Over all, I don't regret them. But I would say Id be a whole lot smarter about the whole thing. It was nice to feel wanted for a change.