Overwhelmed

Its been a long two weeks. I haven't much time for writing lately. I want to and I feel it but I can't. I have all this pent up emotion just waiting for it to come out on its own. I am hoping with the week vacation I took from work will promote some creativity. I am burned out, so I'm hoping that the time off will be the refreshment I need to get into writing again. Not to mention with all that Ive been through this year so far I need the release. I have amazing people in my life that make dealing with my anxiety disorder easier. I really want to do everything that I can to keep it under control. Its hard to live a normal life when everything I do revolves around my anxiety and panic attacks. I always fear having one in a public place and drawing more attention to myself. Im only 8 days away from 7 days of work free bliss.

A Moment to Myself

Seems the days are just flying by anymore. Hard to believe we are only a few weeks from the end of June already.  I've kinda missed blogging it was one of the few things that gave me some time to myself to reflect on things instead of keeping them in for them to come back and haunt me later. I haven't been able to log into my blog for some time now because I forgot my password and couldn't remember what I had changed it to. Problem solved finally. Now I don't really know where to begin. Its been a crazy past few months. Things are slowly winding back down and my routine is almost back to normal. Almost. 
Im trying to make changes in my life because clearly I'm not very happy with some aspects of it. And the only way that I will be is if I make the changes myself. No one is going to do it for me. I feel very broken at times and I just want to give in. And I know that I can't do that. I have amazing people in my life counting on me. The same people that give me my strength to get through the days. I need a vacation, I'm just burned out on work and other things I have no real time to myself to write. 
My writing has suffered greatly. I haven't finished anything in such a long time. Its really discouraging. The urge of creativity is there, but I just don't have anything to keep the fire burning right now. And I hope the week off will do me some good. I feel that once I get back to writing again I will feel a whole lot better about myself.

Happy New Year

Hard to believe that we're in the year 2012 already. 2011 sure had a lot of ups and downs for me. Seems there were moments I had thought I couldn't get through certain things and I did. I thought it would make me a stronger person. And there for awhile it did. I'm frustrated that I am still struggling. Sometimes a lot harder than others.

Why is it I can have such a great thing and then have to fight so hard to keep it against this invisible thing I have no control over. I feel my emotions are in a crazy rollercoaster. They have great highs and the lows are a downward crash.

I am just feeling very lost right now.