Urging and giving thanks

Hard to believe that the last time I updated, Halloween was just around the corner. And now we are looking at Thanksgiving, tomorrow. Crazy.

I have been wanting to stop and take time to write for awhile now. Then there is work, among everything else that is going on in my life. It just hasn't slowed down at all for me to think, much less clear my head.

Today is my day off. I am going to do my best to enjoy it before the crazyness of thanksgiving and black friday sales at work begin. That means, a majority of today is going to be spent on things Ive meant to do, but havent been able to. The top of my list, writing. I am just worried that I am going to set myself up for disappointment again. After all this time, I wonder if it will be worth the wait of not writing for over a year. Work has had a lot to do with that. I figured at first it wouldnt be a big deal because I would find a way to make it work. And fit it in when I can. Now that I have the time. I am wondering if I can.

The harder it is for me to find inspiration to write, the stronger the urge to write is. I didn't think It would be like this. But it is overwhelmingly frustrating. I keep telling myself, that it will come.

I am still telling myself that.

Writing has been my salvation for a lot of things. Its helped me work through a lot of things I dont think I would have otherwise. Its a great outlet. I dont know what I would do without it.

Last month I found myself in a dark place again, over some things that I have been through coming back to haunt me. I am determined to not let things things consume me as they have in the past. I can't change nor deny that they had happened. But I'm a stronger person because of that, I do know that. Sometimes I just need some convincing. I did a lot of heavy writing and to my relief it did help a great deal.

It is at this time, That I am especially thankful for the friend(s) that helped me get through this tough time. I was startled by the existance of how quickly I could relive all the events that have happened to me in such a short time. And knowing that it is something I am always going to have to face and to deal with is hard. But having friends you can trust helps a great deal. I dont know what I will do with that writing, or if anyone other than myself will ever see it. Being through such an ordeal, Its hard for me to let go. I couldn't imagine someone having to read it and know these things about me doing the same. Knowing that there was nothing that they could have done to change it. For now I am keeping it to myself. Sometimes secrets are meant to stay secrets. Meant only to be shared with those you love and trust to help you with them.

On a lighter note, I am happy to announce that all my kittens have found great homes. I will miss the little buggers, but I know they are in good places. Now if Mya could be just as happy.

My mine just keeps jumping in circles, I wish I could keep it in place just long enough to catch up. Then maybe, just maybe. Id feel like I was getting somewhere. Hopefully once the fog clears I will have more to write about soon.

Happy Thanksgiving.