Sometimes I feel like Im in a dark place. Like my mind doesn't feel quite right. You just know something is missing, but you can't quite put your finger on it You just know when everything doesn't quite click and you just feel off balance in some way.
I'm not real worried, because it makes me want to reflect. And reflecting is the first step in writing for me. Its just one of those things that keep picking away at you. I always want to write, I don't think there has ever been I time where I didn't. Right now I need it, and a lot of it. A few poems here and there isn't going to cut it this time. I have this overwhelming urge for everything to just come out and it just doesn't. It keeps building and building. And I feel hopeful. Hopeful that I will get rewarded with a burst of inspiration. Then all I get is a slow trickle. It will come, I know it will. How much longer can I go like this, honestly. Then what if it finally does, and I end up being disappointed? I am trying not to expect much. Even though I can't help but look forward to what it might bring. A sense of relief ? I hope in all this time, its given me the chance to grow some more and learn something from myself. Sometimes I think I don't know who I am anymore. Like I lost touch with myself. And that maybe I need to go back to the beginning. Then I think, do I really want to do that? Some things are better left untouched. Cause there are some gray areas in my life Id rather not see in color. I have come to accept them and moved on. There is still the potential for old wounds to open and I really don't want to go through all that again. Not now. Not Ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment